| Location | Scotland |
| Age | 0 |
| Cause of Death | Still Birth |
| Date of Birth | 06/04/2007 |
| Date of Death | 06/04/2007 |
| Visitors | 3,258 since 03/05/2007 |
| Creator |
Kirsten Anne
Born Sleeping 06/04/2007
MY BABY ANGEL'S STORY
The pregnancy
It all started last year me and my partner already had a 2 year old girl emma and a 1 year old boy david they are a joy and I became broody again so we decided to try for another baby a few moths later I had the familiar nausea feeling, I said to my partner we need to go get a pregnancy test and it was positive we were so happy we couldn’t take the smile of our faces for weeks, I couldn’t keep the news to myself either so told all the family when I was just 5 weeks pregnant, the pregnancy went as expected lots of sickness, tiredness I just couldn’t wait till I was 12 weeks to go for my scan and when I did go I gushed as I looked at my baby on the screen the next few weeks went well to, then I went for my 20 week check and was asked did I want the tests for abnormalities, I had never taken them with my other 2 children and after discussing it with the midwife, I decided not to have them this time either (a decision I would later regret).
I then got to 30 weeks and decided to tell the kids that they were going to have a little brother or sister being so young I don’t think they really understood what was about to happen but emma loves babies and she would kiss my tummy and say goodnight to her sibling at bedtime, she was always so excited when we seen babies when we were out and she would say we’re going to have a baby soon to, I then started to buy the things I would need the pram, mosses basket, sterilizer, bottles, bibs, clothes, nappies, I was so proud of myself I’m a very unorganized person and was never ready when I brought the other two home, I didn’t even have a newborn nappy in when I brought david home, had to nip out to the nearest store to get them.
I then reached 35 weeks and my and my partner started talking about names we didn’t know the sex so went through baby name books and wrote a few down for boys and girls, I also packed my maternity bag and put it beside the door I was making sure I’d get to the hospital on time my daughter was born in a taxi at the end of my road and my son was born 10 minutes after I reached the hospital I never did get to wear that big t-shirt I had to give birth in.
The bad news
By 39 weeks I was huge, lots of backache scared of labour starting but excited to see what sex our baby would be, so along for my antenatal appointment I went and she felt my tummy and told me she thought the baby was breech so I’d have to go for a scan the next morning, I was so excited to be seeing my baby on screen again especially as she was now fully grown, we took along emma and david so they could see the baby on screen to and as the monitor was put on my stomach the two kids were in awww at seeing a baby inside mummy’s tummy, but then my world was turned upside down and i felt like i was in a dream, the sonographer looked at me and said I’m so sorry iv’e got really bad news, I could feel my whole body tighten up and I felt dizzy, she then told us our baby had severe spina bifida, water on the brain and her kidneys and liver weren't formed, I went into severe shock it was as if this was happening to someone else, she then took us to a side room and told me a consultant was on the way to talk with me.
The consultant did the scan again and took us back to the same room to confirm what the sonographer had said all the time I was hoping that the sonographer had made a mistake and the consultant would say so, instead she confirmed the news and told us the baby had the severest case of spina bifida, water on the brain and numerous other problems, all this while my other 2 kids laughed and played beside us, why someone coulden't have taken them outside while we talked to the consultant i'll never know, she then starting taking about options, I was mortified that someone could suggest such a thing at this stage in a pregnancy, my baby was wriggling away and I was being told I could end there life, but the consultant said our baby’s outcome was not good, as I was so far gone she could give us 2 days to think about what decision we wanted to make, those few days were hell as me and my partner discussed what to do, i was like a zombie, in the end we decided we didn’t want our baby to suffer anymore, so opted for a medical termination.
Saying Goodbye
Good Friday I went to the hospital, i sat on the bed telling my angel it was time and we had to part now, i told her she was going to a good place free from any pain she would have had in this life, i rubbed my stomach and told her i loved her, i was then given drugs which made me fall asleep, they then stopped my baby’s heart, when the drugs finally wore off I was already at the maternity hospital and I couldn’t feel my baby move any more, I just burst into tears shouting at my partner that I was bad, I was then induced and at 10.30pm on the 06.04.07 my baby girl was born sleeping, I was scared to look at her at first but when I did she looked so peaceful just like she was asleep I then spent the whole night, talking to her, kissing her and asking her to forgive me for making the decision I did, we called her Kirsten Ann and she weighed 7lbs 14oz, the worst part was when i came home and wondering what to tell the kids when they asked when the baby was coming home, in the end only emma asked as she's that bit older and i told her she had gone to be with her cousin lennon, the next week we had a lovely funeral for her which passed in a blur.
My baby was cremated and we intend to scatter her ashes over her cousins grave and have a double headstone there, 3 years earlier my sister lost her son when he was born premature at 24 weeks, he fought for 3 months before she made the decision to turn her son’s machine off, I do have my sister to talk with as she knows only to well what I’m going through, life is so cruel sometimes.
Forever gone
but never forgotten
love
Mummy, daddy, emma & david
xxxxxxxxx
Iv'e since had a baby boy, Ben born on the 16 may 2008 and although he will never replace my baby angel, he helps to heal my heart xxxxx
Nine Long Months - by Ingrid Aspey
I carried you for nine long months,
Looking forward to your birth.
Little did I ever know,
You'd never breath on earth.
I'd made such plans for your life,
Looking forward to bringing you home.
I never though for one second,
When I came home I’d be alone.
They said there’d been some complications,
They said that you had gone.
I couldn't understand their words,
What had happened? What had gone wrong?
Now they don’t want to talk of you,
The people who drop by.
They think that I should just accept,
My baby's in the sky.
I’ll keep a part of you with me,
And everywhere I am, you’ll be.
I know we’ll meet again some day,
Then in my arms you'll always stay.
Every day I’ll think of you,
Think of you with love.
My precious little baby,
My Angel up above.
Copyright� Ingrid Aspey 2009
TO MY LITTLE BABY
Miscarried at 9 weeks on 13/11/09
I'll always wonder what would have been, kirsten will take care of you, love always mummy xxxxxxx
My Little Angels
(`.) (`.)
`.(`.) .
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װ `.. װ
װ `.. װ
Your always in my thoughts and in my heart my little angels, until we meet again xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
17th December 2008
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$$$$$$$$$$…Darling … …$
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Snowflakes from Heaven as white as can be!
Can build a Snowman for
all to see!
He's cute and cuddly and full of good wishes!
And wants to give you a bunch of his kisses!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
author unknown
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6th December 2008
________0___We're wondering what Christmas in Heaven _______000__is like
_______000__As we grieve alone and pray,
_______000__longing for one who has gone before
_______000__To spend Christmas in Heaven today..
________I___
_______000__And so in our dreams we wander far
_______000__From the scenes and sounds of earth
_______000__‘Til we catch the strains of the Heavenly _______000__choir
_______000__As they sing of the Christ Child's _______000__birth. .
_______000__
_______000__The Angels we envision there
_______000__As they join in the festive play
_______000__And there amid the throng is our Loved One
_______000__Spending Christmas in Heaven today..
_______000__
_______000__There's joy in the faith that teaches
_______000__When our life's work is done
_______000__Of a place in Heaven awaiting
_______000__And the crown we worked for is won..
_______000__
_______000__In our grief may we learn well the lesson
_______000__So to work and suffer and pray
_______000__As to merit the joys of our loved one
_______000__And to spend Christmas together some day.
MERRY CHRISTMAS angel in heaven
____________________ *
___________________H ello
__________________I Have
_________________Com e Here
________________To Wish You
_______________Merry Christmas
______________And Also, A Happy
_____________New Year To You For
____________2009... I Hope The New
___________Year Brings You Loads Of
__________Happiness And Lots Of Fun.
_________I Hope You Have A Nice Day On
________Christmas Day, Filled With Lots Of
_______Angel Time.......And Of Course Eating
______Lots Of Nice Foods, And Candies. I Hope
_____That Santa Is Good To You As Well And He
___Brings You Loads Of Presents On Christmas Day
_________________XXX (\ ●♥● /)
_________________XXX ( \(_)/ )
_________________XXX (_ /|\ _)
_________________XXX ../___\
Love Mary xx
MEMORIES OF YOU
Memories of you...
Will stay in my heart forever,
Memories of you...
I will always treasure.
Memories of you...
make me feel warm inside,
Memories of you...
are the love I cannot hide.
Memories of you...
help me through the day,
Memories of you...
will never fade away.
Memories of you...
are beautiful and dear,
They seem to grow still brighter
with every passing year.
Precious words by Sophia Parker
Member Of Life After Death~Baby Loss Forum
I am sorry for your loss I really am. Your little Baby is with all the other little ones that have sadly had to leave us .. I wish it were different for us all I really do.
Take care of yourself.
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i'm sorry
oh princess, i'm so sorry its took me so long to talk to you, i've had a lot on my plate lately and then to top it all off my computer crashed on me again, hope you can forgive me. i'll talk to you soon love as always michelle xxxxxx
Ask My Mum How She Is
My Mum, she tells a lot of lies,
She never did before.
But from now until she dies,
She'll tell a whole lot more.
Ask my Mum how she is
And because she can't explain,
She will tell a little lie
Because she can't describe the pain.
Ask my Mum how she is,
She'll say 'I'm alright.'
If that's the truth, then tell me,
why does she cry each night?
Ask my Mum how she is,
She seems to cope so well.
She didn't have a choice you see,
Nor the strength to yell.
Ask my Mum how she is,
'I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping.'
For God's sake Mum, just tell the truth,
Just say your heart is broken.
She'll love me all her life,
I loved her all of mine.
But if you ask her how she is,
She'll lie and say she's fine.
I am Here in Heaven.
I cannot hug from here.
If she lies to you don't listen,
Hug her and hold her near.
On the day we meet again,
We'll smile and I'll be bold.
I'll say, 'You're lucky to get in here, Mum,
With all the lies you told.
Sent with love xxxx
to another special angel
hi little girljust a note to say i'm back from my holidays now. i will loght candles for you as usual ok love always michelle xxxx
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